Yesterday in the car taking 21 year old son N home from work.
“Dad, I’d love to make egg friend rice again. But I need old boiled rice.”
(His last egg fried rice making adventure he used 8-EIGHT! Egg – where did he put the rice? I have no idea)
“Why don’t you make old rice?”
“I need old rice”
“Well son unless I build a Time Machine I can’t make you old rice. If you make rice when you go home you can make egg fried rice later tonight”
“Ok how do you make boiled rice?”
“Well my technique is one cup of rice and 2 and a half cups of boiling water. Once it boils turn it down and then when you see airholes in the rice it’s cooked”
“Do we have cups?”
“…what?”
“Do we have cups?”
“Do we have cups??? What are you talking about?”
“Cooking cups”
“Cooking cups????”
“Yeah for cooking with”
“… No son. I use Normal cups”
“Oh. Like glasses”
“Wha…? ok. Just use cups.”
Later we’re heading out with comic artist Mike Collins and his lovely wife Bernie for dinner but before that…
“Son, do you want me to help you make the rice?”
“No i’m ok”
“Ok. It’s one cup of rice and two and a half cups of water. Ok?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I can figure it out.” (hes doing a degree in Computers, he’s got three A*s at A level. He’s on track for a first. He is very smart)
We leave.
We’re having dinner. There is a phone call.
“Dad. I’ve had a rice disaster”
“What…?”
“I didn’t put enough water in.”
“Well no problem. Put more water in.”
“I can’t. It’s overflowing with rice.”
“What?”
“I think I used too small a pot.”
“Ok. Ok. Get another pot. Scoop some rice out and add more water. Will be home soon”
We get home. The kitchen is a crime scene. A rice related crime scene
I start tidying. I lift the now empty massive bag of rice that should have some in it.
“Son how much rice did you cook?”
“Oh two and a half cups worth”
“What??”
“Yeah I weighed it and it didn’t seem that much so I did all of it. I didn’t take in to account how much it would weigh after I cooked it”
“But I said one cup of rice to two and a half cups of water”
“Yeah I thought that was just the ratio”
“Oh so how much water do you use?”
“Four cups”
“But that’s … you did two and a half cups of rice so four cups of water isn’t even the right ratio”
“I know”
“My egg fried rice was delicious though”
The scene of the crime:
